If anyone knows the location of Eoin, please can they send me his location by e-mail, carrier pigeon or warhead-free al-Samoud missile (you must be within 150km). Seeing as his brother hasn't a clue -- other than that he's probably in London(!) -- tip-offs regarding his whereabouts would be greatly appreciated.

Reports of him being seen riding a donkey in Islamabad remain unconfirmed. The Tora Bora cave complex is another possibility. (I hasten to add that, at the time of last sighting, Eoin was not a terrorist, Arab or Irish.)