A burst of efficiency

Tonight I worked until after 9pm, after having arrived just after 9am.

I wrote a slot'n'stare movie-maker which'll take my long run and make it into a movie array. I wrote my second ever IDL object method (a handy one too!). I came home just before 10pm after cycling back. I ate dinner in matsuya. I took the rubbish out. I texted Casper (hopefully), the Cat (civilly, twice), and Yasu (friendlily?). I tidied up my Mac's desktop. I filled in the CO schedule in iCal. And I finally e-mailed some dates to my mum so that she can book a trip to come and visit me.

I need to work out these days, but sometimes I need to other stuff in life, too.

Today was a good day.

Wind 'er up, boys!

It seems that FedEx were able to deliver an identical elastic band, mere days after the prized engine of work at the Home for the Bewildered finally perished. R.I.P., small rubberised loop.

Thus, I am now able to receive and (rumour has it) send electronic mail from and to other humans. Or maybe just artificially intelligent robots. Or maybe genuinely intelligent robots. Who knows.

The point is, I am no longer cloaked from the world of Mr Cockup, so I eagerly await the next instalment of "Decisions Other People Don't Want to Make ®"!

Apart from that, though, I am enjoying the tide of Norwegian gently wafting across the partition from the friendly (and helpful!) Wikings.

Skål!

Isolation

It seems the rubber band finally snapped at the Home for the Bewildered, and communication is out.

Can't say as this pains me greatly, as the slew of e-mails telling me about Canadian chemists' latest special offers isn't something I really miss. However, it does make me wonder whether the world finally needs my help!

Mind you, they could just use my GMail address, seeing as that's a more stable one :o)

Pin pin!

GMail finally IMAP

Wow...!

A month after hearing from The Puppy that GMail were going to offer IMAP mail, I finally have it. I think the timing may not be too coincidental: I archived the 900-odd messages that were in my inbox lastnight from the NY Café.

It seems to work, and is now synchronising nicely with Apple Mail.

I'll see if setting my outgoing mail server to something other than the one at the Home for the Bewildered™ makes it go nuts…

Back to basics; and, biking: yikes!

So, it's vrai — I'm really cycling to work these days.

Blah blah,.. whatever, says you. And fair enough. It's the only thing I've blogged about since last week began.

The more significant thing on my mind is how things are going with Casper. It's cooled a bit recently, so I'm thinking he just wants to be friends. But he's sweet, so I can wait if he wants something else.

He's away at a training course in Kansai this week, and left on the midnight bus lastnight. We went to the Tama Centre onsen on Friday for the second Friday in a row (I'm trying to get into thermal tolerance practice for a trip out west later this year/early next year), and then I met him for lunch after he went to see his folks to pick up the tax books as something to do when (not "if") he gets bored during the week.

He'll be in this conference centre all week for everything. No escape, so I started joking that he was going to jail. He was really not looking forward to it because he thought he'd have to share a room. But after wandering around Kansai for something to do, he mailed me with the good news when he got to the centre: he had a twin room all to himself!

Anyway, enough boy talk...

Today was the first day in ages that I've had a properly lazy day. I'm not trying to be a lazy person, but occasionally it's good to completely unwind. So, although I woke up at about 8:00, and then spoke to Casper who'd been in Osaka since 6:00, then did some laundry .... I went back to bed at lunchtime for a couple of hours to shake the headache, and felt a lot better when I got up.

I slowly sorted through the dry laundry, started to tidy the living room up (a week spent cycling, gymming, working, celebrating Thanksgiving with the 米国人 and others, onsenning and then wandering around Town yesterday takes its toll on the tidiness of the flat), casually half-watched some TV, e-mailed various people on the phone, had a shower and just chilled with good music. Then went to Matsuya for a beef bowl, tsutaya to return my Fuji Fabric CDs, and came to the NY's to relax in comfort.

It was great. And hopefully the flat won't affront my eyes so badly when I get back in in a few minutes!

Anyway, best get home. I rented a fillum that I probably won't watch, so I should rip it.

And, best of all, I just e-mailed Mum with a long update. Hopefully she'll enjoy the upbeat nature of it.

ATH -- I'm off, so!

Nice to just while away the day.

MeCycle

Up in yonder wild hills of Surrey, there was no way I was going to do anything as daft as cycle in to work. For three reasons:
a) the roads are 0.8 cars wide. 1 bike + 1 car = not passing each other
b) I am not in the same shape as I was at age 18, where I cycled 10 miles to and from work (total). Guildford is 15 miles from the Home for the Bewildered.
c) I had no bike

Today, however, is a different day... (and a different country... with different local terrain...)
I am cycled in to the orifice!

Not without some worry about stamina, it must be said. I'm nowhere near the fitness level of Casper (the current interest), so the slope up to 大野 from "Chou-den" got the better of me 80% of the way up. Thereby leaving my legs a little jelly-like for about a mile afterwards.

Nonetheless, with leaving the hice at 0755, I got here at 0830, feeling rather pleased. Somewhat Parf Daddy-like, I'm wearing special gear on my top half; however, I now realise that the point of an exercise hoody is to get sweat out. And onto whatEVER it is you're wearing over the top of it. I'll be kinder to the Diesel jacket in future.

Right, best get on with it, what! This may be the first visit to the "oversite" (old name) in many months, but can't talk now. Got some sciencing to do!

Fire! *twirls moustache*

Watch out Lance Armstrong! Your radiation-modified muscles can only hold me at bay for so long...!!

じゃね

So that's it, then

We tried a break.

Correction, I wanted to finish it three weeks ago. Then he suggested a break, "not to stlit up". I thought about if it had any meaning. He said that maybe it meant being friends. I liked that idea. And he had made me feel guilty for trying to leave him when he had no job. So I thought... why not see if it can be rescued. Eight months of shared history might be worth it.

But little changed. At first, it felt okay. I enjoyed the space and conversation that wasn't about our future together. And I think he tried to back off a little, but it didn't last. He kept dropping the usual hints about us moving back to the UK, and saying "we'll be fine, right?" when I didn't know that we would.

So every time I thought about us, I got panic attacks. Seriously.

Break...

no good.

Tonight, Wataru rang. A lot. Eventually I answered and we talked for about 2 hours.

During those two hours, various attempts at emotional blackmail by him, and various cold-hearted responses from me.

I got stuff off my chest about the suicide messages, and about the fact that he didn't seem able to take responsibility for anything.

He asked if I'd considered how my meetings -- actual meetings, nothing else, mind -- with other gay guys would have made him feel. I said I probably had been thoughtless. Then I asked if he'd thought about how his meetings with exes would make me feel. answer: that stuff was all in the past.

As the conversation went on, it seemed to me at least, more and more that we wre bad for each other. He didn't see it that way

A horrible situation, and a horrible way for me to respond.

Still feel alone

... but working out why I broke things off.

I know understand why the word "break" is used in "break-up". It's a horrible, wounding, ragged-edged process, and instinctively I want to put the two pieces together again to make the pain stop.

But then I remember. I didn't feel equal, or in control of my life, or that I was doing any good. Too late, I found out that I was doing just fine. At least, that's what he said when we were staring down the barrels. But the not-trusting part (yeah, it keeps coming back to that) was the most hurtful. He didn't even mean it that way. He just thought I wasn't capable of making my own friends without his supervision.

All the progress we'd made with him not being my parent as well as my boyfriend. And in the end, I still didn't think it was enough. The unilateral nature of the separation makes me doubt myself. He was my best friend in so many ways. But now I don't have anyone here to talk it over with. And I miss him desperately.

Amazing how your mood can turn around, eh? Yesterday morning, I woke to some fairly suicidal-sounding messages. So I got up to his place as fast as I could, not knowing whether I'd find him alive or dead. No reflection on me, by the way. Suicide in Japan is a lot less taboo than it is in the (admittedly post-Christian) West. Plus, having had two experiences of suicide close to me, it outweighed the urge to resist in case he was going Fatal Attraction...

Anyway, I rang and rang and rang on the way up (even from the train, though you're not supposed to here). And when I got there, I rang and rang and rang on the doorbell, terrified that he'd done something bad. No answer. I got my keys out, but he'd put the chain on the door. WTF?? Eventually, after much more more ringing of phones and doorbells, he came to the door, stared at me, closed it, and then released the chain and I followed him inside.

I resisted the urge to punch him for making me think he might be dead. So I just cried instead. Then, as I was about to leave, he patted the bed beside him, gesturing for me to lie down and stay for a bit. I lay. After he said that I had killed him, and killed his dreams... he started to listen. He hadn't shown any emotion -- just complete withdrawal. Then, once we started talking, he eventually cried. He'd never cried at all, even in our darkest times. (That was something he took the piss out of me for!) But this time, ... tears. Floods of them. From both of us. When I left, he was lying on his back, still crying. I've something similar once before. But this time it hurt like daggers shredding me inside.

They say it's like losing a limb, but this is all in the internal organs. I can still walk, talk, carry out basic tasks, and (clearly) type. But I can't bear to think of how he is, cos then I want to call him and see. But that won't help, cos it'll draw out the inevitable process again.

Ouch ouch ouch...

the lowest point

This week has been tough

But this is the lowest point.

The Cat and I just split up. I never expected it to be nice, but after the longest of chats he sensed that I still wanted to leave him.

He fought for us and I still wouldn't change my mind. Something wouldn't let me. Conviction, for once...?

I was warned I'd feel guilty. But never this empty, this sick. The only guy I ever loved, like. And after 8 months...

Jetlag, day four

It's fairly pathetic, but it always takes me about 5 days to get over jetlag...

I got back on Saturday morning. Shared a bus journey with the guy from the next office, so that sped things up. Then I got back home (with keys, SO gratefully rediscovered in my hand luggage at the Narita carousel), and read a wise text message from Dr B, recommending staying up until 10 pm. I.e., about 9 hours away by the time I read it. Rubbish.

What can a boy do?

I dropped my bags off at home, had a shower, found myself ravenous, and ducked out to Wan Zhu Ji (pronounced ワンツーチ) for some of their lovely white-sesame tan-tan men. I got it almost right. Although the crazed tramp who sat beside me for the meal put a bit of a spoiler on it. Actually, I felt bad for him, the poor guy. But he at least made me stop dead when, after shouting and raving throughout his whole, precious meal, he said "o kane" and that was it. No more shouting "ko-e...aehapewof apzisdoiaWIOFni" over and over... just wandered off in contented, ramen-filled silence.

By this time, I was really spaced. So I wandered around town for a short while, then headed back to Tsutaya to pick up something to keep me awake. I opted for Lucky Number Slevin (get it! It's brilliant!), and something Japanese: A Day on the Planet (きょうのできごと). The first movie, I got through about a third of before sleep came. Then I watched the next third waiting for The Cat to come down. Then the final bit when he was there. Great movie....

Lastnight, then, I ended up watching my second ever Tsubumaki Satoshi film. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, That's incredible -- I always wanted to watch two of his films. Well, even if you only get to live out half of that ambition, you'll be in for a treat if it's either The Waterboys (very funny), or A Day on the Planet. Actually, that's not entirely true. The first movie is always worth getting (with subtitles if you're a non-Japanese speaking person like me), the second one is great if you're spaced out on jetlag, cos it's very relaxing and quite cute.

Ergo, whatever. Hahaa.

In other news, the last two weeks were pretty successful on most fronts, apart from word on when I'm supposed to finish up here. I met Mr M and Sperm (now an actual comedian, as opposed to just an eejit), Neilo (obviously), Ben N, Sarita, Simon, the future Mr Simon, their new place (still being finished), had a nice time at home with the folks, had an outpouring of grief with Paddy (poor lad), told Mum about the Cat (not all positive, oops), had fun with some people I've come to regard as good friends in Dublin, and didn't make a complete twat of myself. A fairly clean scoresheet (just wipe off a few of those smudges, there... oh no, that's just my MacBook Pro's dodgy screen... boo hoo!).

There. Back to the grindhorse, then!

Post Paddy-discussions

What to do....

Met up with Paddy tonight. Which is to say, he came down to the homestead to pick me up to go for a cheap'n'cheerful pub meal. Which turned out to be not so cheerful as we discussed life stuff. But it was a nice chat. Then I vented massively about Teh Cat in the car as we idled outside the homestead, post-meal.

It's clearly not looking good, based on what I was saying tonight. Despite ringing TC back earlier today to try and encourage him.

It was the first time I'd had a chance to really talk with someone who knows me very well, and he wasn't impressed with my painting of the cat at all. I'm still sore from being accused of having an affair. It's still raw, and hasn't got better. Being asked to bring back a "sorry" present for losing my temper, while he still hasn't apologised for his massive outburst, isn't really helping. Ego ego ego...

Maybe it's time to draw this anticlimax to a close?

Who knows...?

Oh, and against this backdrop, news from LS that he and his new man are buying a flat together and have never been happier. I don't see that future for me and the Cat. That's awful, isn't it? At least, it's not encouraging.

G'night jim-bob.

Fecked

I got up 25.5 hours ago. Granted, I actually slept on the flight over for a bit, but I have red blotches on my eyes which aren't a good look. So this time, I'm not staying up late. I can't: I'm about to pass out!

Tried a pint of Genius tonight, but it wasn't going down that well...

Monday will bring compulsory Guinness, so maybe I should lay off til then!

Breakfast in Gatwick tomorrow.

お休み!

Seen on a shopping bag on the 小田急 line this afternoon

"What is considered?"

<picture of a very cutepuppy stretching forward out of his basket>

"I want to understand you.

Please be together all the time.

I want to know what is considered."

I love Japanese English ☆

After a year-long break

...I have re-joined the league of people who go gymming.

Would say more but it's late, and it would only be about the Cat and I rowing (rhymes with "bowing") (appropriately for this case), no plans for O bon, and Dublin trip in 9 days.

Eep.

Lynx has definitely arrived

There's a bunch of students/young lads out in the corridor, and it's overpowering...

Mind you, last autumn you couldn't find an effective men's deodorant to save yer life.

Yes, this is probably the lesser evil.

There's a Japanese man talking to lots of ladies

He's about my age, and they're all about my mum's age. I don't know what is function is, but we're in Heathrow, so there are many possibilities.

He's trying to project an image of knowing what he's doing, so that leads me to believe he's some kind of tour guide.

I've missed Japan since I've been away. Now I've got just over an hour until my flight back there, and I'm ready for it. Had a reasonable night's sleep since about an hour after I checked in lastnight. And I've got my Nytol in the carry-on luggage. I'll attach proof, if proof later be needed of where I was when I wrote this post. But for now, I'm going to head for the departures area. I've had enough of shopping for one trip.

またね!

Post wedding-night blog

I'm trying to set myself a challenge.

I don't listen when anyone else sets it for me, so i might as well try to listen to myself.

The challenge is this: to keep in touch with my friends. I saw several people (many, in fact) at this wedding who tore strips off me for falling off the radar. The groom told me he wasn't sure if I was still alive. And hit me. Repeatedly. I forgot he was strong as well as lanky...

So the challenge is to keep in touch. Fairly easy to say, of course. But will I do it.

[namie amuro: should I love him]

I'd like to not be known as a bastard. Maybe I'm not, but I can't help thinking that's what I'm doing.

J n Mer 4 evva

Yesterday was Independence Day for the Americans. And No-More-Independence Day for the Cullybackey Man. An otherwise perfectly intelligent girl agreed to marry him in a monument on the North Coast of Ireland.

A more spectacular setting for an Irish wedding, I cannot think of. Bagpipes, wind rustling through huge sweeps of grass, a temple on the edge of a sea-cliff a ruined palace in the background, whiskey tasting after the wedding, a very happy bride and groom (apart from some crying down to "hay fever"), a ceili, good people around... and some talk of cross-dressing by someone deeply involved in the proceedings... even aside from the kilts we have to wear...

A really brilliant occasion. And ended up waking up on the least worst man's sofa. In my kilt.

Tired now. Will remember more thinky stuff laterer.

Back in the old country

I'm now back in my childhood home. Aside from the fussy internet access, and the parents' running commentary on what they find confusing about modern culture depicted on TV (hint: 98%), it's great to be back for a break.

The only other thing is that I'm away from my new flat. And there's no-one else there. That's weird. Except maybe The Cat; but I doubt he'll make the trip from Nakano-ku to Wild Wild Machida.

She's My Man has just come on the radio which brings back karaoke memories with the Brooks's in Round One two weeks ago. They'll be pleased...

Anyway, tomorrow, I'm off to Belfast to get fitted up to look like an idiot for Wednesday. Strangely at the same outfit hire place I went to for the geek formal nine years ago. Wonder if they still have my measurements on record. Could do with a laugh...

Odd being away from the Cat for this long a period now that we're actually getting along pretty well. He called today, bless him, just for a chat. He needs to get out more, but not the way that knocks him out for days.

Speaking of being knocked out... jetlag hasn't quite passed yet...

Must check out bus times for tomorrow, bus times for Tuesday, and a hotel for the night of the 10th.... Right, so!

"Never put a sock in a toaster..."

...And never brush your teeth with Dove foaming face-wash.

That is all.

To Aggy

Around the time of night I wrote that last post, I went through almost all the photos on my Mac.

And I found this composite shot of Aggy that I took with my old phone.

:o)

To Aggy.

Hearing myself think

Tonight, for the first time in a very, very long time, I was able to hear myself think.

It felt good.

It had to do with tidying up some loose ends in the recent year. Specifically, the wonderful Jamie. And I found myself resurrecting my UK phone to get some pictures off it. This led to me looking through all my old photos on the Mac...

I haven't felt good about myself for a long time. The Cat isn't helping me feel that way, and I don't know if I'm helping him either. But tonight I felt really good, looking back on pictures of people I've known for years in some cases, for days in others.

I can hear myself think. It's amazing. No distractions, no noise (none that I can't filter out, at least), no internet. Not even the temptation to read. Just me, the disconnected Mac, my sofa, and tea. A man could get lost out there in the world. Especially here.

I think the solution starts with a haircut. I know that sounds vain and shallow. But it starts there. Then we upgrade the rest of the body.

And fix some broken links along the way.

My two boys, Andy and Ben, made me smile tonight. :o)

And, for the first time since Christmas, I let myself listen to Little Bear again...

Near the End of Aggy

I found this picture of me and the Aussie, taken on 3rd September last year. I was less than ten days away from leaving the country, and he'd just landed a swanky job in Canary Wharf for an insurance firm. Life was about to get very exciting for both of us!

Age's ex always said the Aussie never took a bad picture :o)

# Galaxia by Moonman (Eliot J. Remix)

First Night in McHida

Hello from my new aparment!!

This is a momentous night for me. Which is nice, because there's plenty of noise outside, most of it from motorbikes or the kind of modded cars that one imagines from "The Fast and The Furious 3: Tokyo Drift" ;oD

Anyway, enough of that. It's amazing to finally, after 12 years of being an official adult, have my own place. Where I don't have to worry about what someone else does with their stuff. Where they keep it. What hours they keep.

Where the kitched stuff is new. I know this, because I laid out a lot of money to get it.

But the kitchen is huge and clean. And the fridge, gas hob and washing machine are all very new and shiny. So much so, that I've only used the fridge so far. The cat and I called in on Saturday to clean and install stuff, then again yesterday after the Ikea trip that nearly broke him. Then again today when I finally FINALLY had a bed. From which I am now typing. It is a futon. I am in Japan. This is going to be an interesting exercise. The cat, slyly, bought cockroach-killing devices. Unlike in Britain, where cockroaches are practically unheard of, in Japan they are all over the place in the summer. I am trying to reconcile myself to this. But the fact of the matter is that my fear of claustrophobia paled in comparison to my fear of reaching out and encountering a cockroach. So I closed all the doors (apart from the wardrobe). And I'm now sitting here in the dull light. My first act of independence was watching a movie uninterrupted (Green Street, which is really good once you get past Charlie Hunnam doing another dodgy accent), after the absolutely religiously compulsory moving-in cup of tea. For which I had no milk. So I went to check out the nearest "Kombini" (Engrish for "convenience store"). Not bad, although mysteriously the kid on duty was making "oden", which I thought were winter food. Muh...

Anyway, there's no interweb connection here, but I thought I'd at least type up something to commemorate being a thirty-year-old man who finally has his own place. Not that I'll be getting up to some of the hijinks that I suspected when I got here, as I'm now rather happily settled with the Cat. Even if I do consider drowning him in a river every couple of days, he still makes me smile. Aw.... Apologios.

Right, time for bed.

When I want ;oD

Oyasumi!

Wonder if I'll make it back...?

It's been, paradoxically, both a productive and a frightening day. After a leisurely start and breakfast kind-of with the Cat, I made my way to 神奈川県, and read a fun part of that 2nd Murakami book. When I got to work, our visitors were all there, working away without any fuss. Which is great. Meant I could crack on with The Paper.

But a short spell of the kind of day-long panic attack feelings I've been having so much of recently quickly got worse. I've spent almost all day with a sore chest. And not on the right-hand side either, if you get me.

In the last 36 hours, I've discovered a thinning patch on top of my head (curiosity and a webcam got the better of me), white hairs in my beard (not blonde), and now a tight, sore chest.

Feel a bit better relaxing on the train, but don't want to go through the prolonged torture of not knowing if I'll still be alive at midnight.

This is nuts.

I think a lot of it is delayed reaction to the madness of recent weeks at work, plus sorting out a flat and associated stuff with every spare moment, plus never getting a holiday, plus being paranoid that the Cat is going to try and rush things again and/or take over the new place. that last one probably isn't fair but with no-one to talk to about this kind of stuff, it quickly gathers momentum in your mind.

feel like shouting, but what? and who at?

Alive

Today was one of those rare days when loads of things went well.

I'm fully prepared for not to be like that but I'd like to at least pay tribute to what went right, after a shaky start.

after the too-long early telecon, I woke the Cat up at the right time. I later learned that he was happy about it.

when I got to McHida, Starbucks was open, so I went in and got a frappuccino and hot chicken sandwich.

My iPod played all the right stuff on my way to work.

I was focused about finishing my article when I worked this morning.

It dawned on me at lunchtime that thd article deadlind wasn't tomorrow, but in 7 days' time.

As I was getting ready to send an e-mail to TW about the flat, the Cat rang and texted to say that the landlord had accepted my application! Next step is contract, said he!

I rang TW to impart the good news. This led to the sort of entirely reasonable question0you get from a man who's supposed to leave for Honolulu in 4 days...

When DHB asked me if I'd verified the exact flag values during the real-time check, I was able to confirm that they were right, even though I'd done it on the fly.

I bought two Haruki Murakami books months ago and selected which one to read first in no particular order. I finished early this week. The second one picks up where the first left off.

There followed another meeting by telecon, then more contact with the cat and then I came home late. But met the Cat at the station for tantan men.

As I left the train station, I felt alive for the first time in months...

I've had a particularly odd day...

For a start, it began with waking up at 4:00 a.m. when the Cat came to bed, and I woke up. This time, because I needed to...

There was a conference in Chiba (way out east, near Disneyland, and beyond IKEA; see a previous post), which — thanks to the way things have been going recently at work — I was in NO way ready for. So I got up to do some "quick analysis", so I'd have at least something of interest to present.

Ended up not being very focused, and ran right up to the wire in terms of when I had to leave. The job I did on shaving my chin was not what one might call exemplary...

The journey was uneventful, but slightly bizarre because I got my laptop out on the Keiyō Line from Tokyo to work on the presentation. On the plus side, I've now mastered getting my slides remarkably swish, I must say :o)

The talk was uneventful, as befitted the content. But Satoshi was there, and it's always fun to have a chat with him, because he never goes for the small-talk angle. DHB, myself, Cristina, Loraine-san, Hiroaki, Satoshi and SK all went for lunch in the nearby restaurant complex -- a Chinese place with very nice set menus -- and then I had a head-stagger about checking the instrument commanding, cos we have a visitor in charge.

So, I had this moment where I was sitting on the steps in the lobby, with my shiny laptop, accessing the commanding of a spacecraft on the other side of the city, in Tokyo.

I could not have predicted this life. But I'm quite amazed that it's mine. Even if I find out tomorrow that I've somehow ballsed it up, I still had that moment.

In other news, I've put in an application, with TW's help, to rent a flat in McHida, close to the train station. I'm quite excited about it, but prepared for it to not work. Things which require applications in Japan often fall flat on a technicality or a whim, so I have to not get my hopes up. He says, with a window open on Ikea's website....

And I just found out from pandagirl that its DB's birthday tomorrow. In the midst of all that's going on at work (not listed, cos I don't want to depress myself), I had to suggest a postponement and then a massive birthday blow-out.

Standing up for myself in a way, I suppose. But I do feel a bit bad. But I think it's in his interests as well.

Either way, what a day. Oh, and I came straight back to the Cat's place after the conference, did a load of laundry, then went to sleep. For three hours!

Cool :oD

"...but typhoons are EXCITING!"

This time of year, summer is trying to assert its muggy self on the population of Japan (including itinerants like me). The warm, water-laden air pushes in from its winter hibernation spot. But occasionally, like today, the cold air pushes back. Then the temperature drops, sinks past the dew point, and kersploosh!: Out falls all the water.

Witness this morning: McHida train station, and the weather is lovely. Brisk, a bit hot, but lovely sunshine. Get as far as Fuckynobby, and the sky is not far from being coal-coloured. And the wind carries such a strong smell of rain. At that point, I'm wondering if I can make it to work in time (coatless and brollyless) without getting thoroughly and utterly soaked! Exciting! And the smell of the rain gets stronger and stronger with each 100 yards I walk. Fortunately, I made it, but 45 minutes later, there was the kersploosh!

It's finally passed, and now I can see the mountains again. Lovely :o)

Project RestrictedFacialHairGrowth

comes to an end tonight.

Here's the finished product:




Celebration of Wednesday has been mooted. And as I'm feeling nearly burnt out, I may combine both feast-days into an all-inclusive, parity-of-esteem beer-drinking at a local 居酒屋 (or "Staying and Drinking Shop") in MacHida.

Might, in fact, be rude and vulgar not to.

GrrrRRRRRR!!

My boss comes here, depriving me of horriday, gives me a good dressing-down, sorts everything out, then we're fine. Then, just as I'm being a good boy and being grown-up and sorting everything out, in the middle of a shite week, I get another dressing-down e-mail with three -- count 'em -- three sequential exclamation marks. Do fuck off!

Add to that that the Cat is being an uppity (sp?) drama queen, despite my Krispy Kreme trip lastnight, and never lets me get to sleep until he's ready, plus the fact that I haven't had a weekend in weeks, without any let-up in sight, and I really am close to the end of my tether.

What, as our American cousins would say, is with these people?

I go home....

Café blog

I'm sitting in my semi-regular Doutor café at 淵野辺, with the traditional mocha ("eru size" today) and the leptop open, going through e-mails in the dave-is-uncontactable calm of the coffee-shop environment, killing time before the next bus to work. I know it's only a mile in, but I've been travelling since before seven o'clock, so I like this little pause in the day before work really gets going.

I slept yesterday. A lot! The cat and I slept in til 2 pm after watching a marathon of Six Feet Under til the not-so-early hours of Sunday morning. Then I went back to the bedroom about 6pm to read my Murakami book, and ended up drifting off again. Cue me waking up at 11pm when I hear Himself putting on American Beauty (same script-writer and score-writer as SFU, I learn). Which we then mostly watched, before he went for a bath (he doesn't get up til 4 hours after me most days) and I went back to bed. I drifted off again to the strains of Ambient 2 coming from the living room, and woke when he hopped into bed at a somewhat-incredible 4 am. Thanks to forgetting my earplugs at the office during the last move, I couldn't quite shut out the snoring (I'm sure I do much worse, but I luckily sleep with someone who seems impervious to noise). So at 05:02, I went toilet (in the toilet, obvi), and at 05:52 gave up on getting back to sleep.

Summer is already here, though -- at least, by British standards -- so the morning was sufficiently light that I could get up and start making myself ready for the day. Project Jawline-Up Beard seems to have withstood its second brush with the razor (note the absence, in attached, of neckular hair). And I have to say that lastnight I felt positively blissed out by the amount of sleep I got since Sat night. Feel much calmer today, too. Shows the power of refusing to go out and about on Sunday just because you feel you ought to on your day off, ね?


A beard, earlier today. From the office (too embarrassed to do it at the café).

First day sans jacket

Not quite the scorcher yet that it was shaping up to be earlier, but warm in Tokyo Proper none the less.

Journey's given me enough time to listen to Maximo Park's new album, and the My Architects one that I fell asleep to lastnight. Two beautiful albums that I've fallen in love with.

Golden balls to Golden Week

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So, here I am at the dead of twenty-past-nine, on a train platform just beyond the vast Tokyo border feeling more than slightly hacked off that Golden Week has been ruined by:
a) having to work on two more national holidays because of the duty rota,
b) having to come in the rest of Golden Week because the boss mis-scheduled her trip, despite having lived here herself,
c) working last Saturday AND this one,
d) people asking inflammatory questions about why I don't have an apartment yet. (Hint: you lot dropped us in it with unready software and no training, then keep overloading us, with stuff that isn't that important, every time we almost get our free time back... etc.)

I'm coping by listening to My Top Rated on the iPhod (lots of Nineties - Hi, I'm old.), contemplating the long-term prospects of the relationship I'm in, and planning what kind of apartment I want, wondering where & when I should go on holiday ("whether" is long sealed, by the way) and trying to figure out how to claim my life, sanity, and communication with my friends back.

Light-hearted stuff like that...

Wonder how the Cat is today after his spat with the Rubbish Boss yesterday (and subsequent mentor chat with the drag queen)...?

Massage from the single-mould unit

It's a bit ridicularse, I know, to be paying what I am at the Wochenlig to avoid the commute...

But as I'm doing so many CO weeks to make up for March away, and then the Incoming keeps arriving every time there's a windy of opportunity, the sensible alternative of actually finding a place of my own in McHida has never yet been possible. Maybe next week, eh...?

Eerie quiet in Machida

I woke up this morning — the last day in this particular stint at the Wochenlig Mansion — to find no noise outside. Nothing. There's the gentle rumble of distant traffic on the main road (presumably between 横浜 and 八王子), but nothing else. It's weird. I don't remember the New Year being like this, but then I didn't wake up here...

It's been too long since this blog was last active. And much indeed has happened. I've been home for a month (well, back in the UK for a month — wasn't a proper holiday!). And at the moment, the bosslady is here. But I'll try and drop in the occasional entry each week, which was the point of this thing when I started it... er... four years ago(?)

I'm doing considerably more e-mail-type admin than I used to, getting less sleep (partly because I'm travelling in each day from the Cat's place when I'm not in Machida). But I'm living a broader life than I used to in many respects. And I'm listening to a lot more music (both from the Cat's enormous collection, and from my own purchases in Book Off and iTunes). I watch Mino Monta in the mornings, I got my first grey hair (to be posted) the day after my 30th in March. And I'm finding my voice at work (sometimes a bit too loud, probably). Which is not to say work is going brilliantly, but it is at least hopeful. I'm not massively up-beat this morning, because I've got to go to work (bosslady presence plus need to work with her on my first mission project). But the Cat also is working, so no plans would've survived anyway.

I do need to get back to the gym, though, as my health isn't the finest at the moment, and I think a dose of regular (proper) exercise would help enormously to destress.

Listening to Snow Patrol's Warmer Climate right now, and it reminds me — local-radio style — that the weather is indeed getting warmer right now. Looking at mid-twenties for the rest of Golden Week (today is Constitution Day, I bereave, followed by Boys Day tomorrow).

CO week is now Fri-to-Fri, too, so there'll be sod-all fun tomorrow. Have to enjoy what I've got! :oD

Lotsaluvv,
Me

I got in touch with one of my first new acquaintances

Right, tea break's over -- back on your heads!

Yes, it's true.

The whirlwind that was the Christmas/New Year (日本の新年) holiday is done and dusted, and I'm in the Bearpit(TM) at gone 11 pm with just my memories and a day off in sight to keep me going. It's depressing when you check to see what trains home there are around midnight.

Make plan
Check plan
Check plan even more
Rename all the stuff that's automatically named wrong
Move it to the right place (cos it automatically goes in the wrong place, too)
Then pray.