D'you know what...? I've idly spent several trains of thought this evening on how to say "the beginning of the end" in French. And now that I've written it... it looks really fucking pretentious...!
Ach well...
The reason for the melancholic title is mainly that it looks like the Aussie is about to break up with Eenglish (a.k.a. Lord Simon, a.k.a. L.S.). E.T.B*. is Friday evening, so I'm going to have to make myself scarce for that.
(*Breakup, in case you were wondering.)
The Aussie and I just sat out on the crap patio for a couple of hours, as the warning signs were rather firmly in place lastnight, and it'd obviously been playing on his mind all day (first clue: he replied promptly to my e-mail this morning -- that never happens). And by 10:30 I suggested that he'd already made up his mind: he agreed.
The fitting thing is that L.S. and I had similar conversations at the IoW Conference™ II about their future, although with a slightly different slant (did he want a relationship at all, etc.)...
I'm blogging this next bit because it's entirely selfish, and I need to get it off my chest.
Even though I've seen it coming for a couple of months now, and even though I love them both very very much and I'd much rather see them happy apart than miserable together.... even despite all this, I'm devastated.
I used to hate it when they fought — it was like seeing your mum & dad fighting, and I couldn't bear it. I was much happier when they made up because I got to see an actual functioning lord couple who I knew. That meant a lot, one year into the big gay adventure.
But, to get all teenage angsty: after months of sticky heat, a rainstorm is about to arrive to clear the air and wash it all away. Just like tonight (I should be a heavily cliché-ridden move director).
My biggest fear is that I won't see L.S. again for a long time. And I only have seven weeks left in this country (of which one will be at home). He's one of my closest friends, but my gut tells me that if he has to stay away from the Aussie (and he will if this happens), then I won't see him again, as he'll be entertaining himself wherever he can. And that'll really break my heart.
Hence, you see, the selfish angle.
And then I'm about to ditch the Essex Boy, so that doesn't much help... I'm at that stage in the relationship where I need to see more of him, or it's all off. And I can't see more of him because he lives so far away, and he can't drive here, and i'm about to move to the other side of the world so I want to get it all over with now.
I want to break it off right now. (P.S. I decided to dump my bloke first, so Adrian must be copying me! Right!?!) Because I can't deal with this one-foot-in one-foot-out situation any more — it's draining me. And it's not fair on his poor soul, either. I've already not dumped him on his birthday (last Sunday), which we celebrated the previous Wednesday. That was such a good night out, that it just confirmed it for me.
So I'm just trying to work out a respectable time to do it.
Answer: Dave, there is none. Just do it.
I'm too tired for this shite. And I want to go home.</mummy, etc.>
Captain: Glorious Town
Richard "Humpty" Vission: Alright
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