A lot of Saturdays off...

... recently, but tomorrow isn't one of them :o(

So let's go over recent events.

Mr C has been dating his new guy (40-yr-old Japanese) since .. oooh... about 25th of August. haha And "T" will visit here on Sunday.

Last Sunday was a beach day out near Misaki-guchi, at a party thing that Mr C was pushing to go to and was really good fun. Even managed to get red but not peel

Casper is also working late tonight because of start-of-month stuff associated with the new job, and I'll join him for either a look at another flat tomorrow, or a second look at the one we couldn't see last week (he'll see it when I'm working). This is all assuming that nothing goes awry at work.

Oh, and Mr Kawasaki got in touch a couple of days ago to say hi, just as I thought he'd lost interest. So that was nice! ^_^

Oh, I should explain that I made a tit of myself after an evening out with Mr kawasaki. And felt extremely sheepish the next day. But he was very polite. Which never reassures me, of course. But we've kept in touch.

Visited my Narita mate the other evening, which was cool.

um..... tried to get work done and mostly succeeded on Mon and Tues. An annoyance from East Coast USA sort of derailed that, but now I'm back on duty, so can't really get stuck in. Just do the odd bit of debugging in my spur time.

Phoned the folks for a bit lastnight, but not too long.

Ageha was fun, but Disney guy (who I'm on pretty genial terms with) got a bit drunk and meant I spent much of the end of the night looking for him when I was absolutely wrecked. Boo. But he was okay and we had a nice chat on the shared DenEnToShi line ride home.

I'm now wondering if I posted that Disney Guy and I split up. Well, we did. At the end of June (those of you who know who I'm talking about will recognise his name in there).

So I've been single for two months, with the occasional date.

But since Mr C is my closest friend and is a) moving to Big Town, and b) dating someone (plus the usual c) end/start of month stuff meaning he's out of social commission), and ... well I can't say, but other reliables aren't in great spirits... life feels very very adrift these days. I feel like it's all unravelling already.

Just after it was all more or less together. If I want to go out and get smashed, I get heartfelt abuse for not sticking with The Plan. Or it turns depressing. If I go home, I'm reminded of how alone I am. If I stay out, like I am tonight in the caff, it doesn't feel quite so bad. But recently I can't stand being alone.

So I stay in touch with a million people by phone mail until it drives me crazy, and then I just don't reply to anyone for a night. Lastnight I went on MSN from the NY caff across town, en route back from a solo swim, and wasted all my relaxation time calming down Ikea guy. More on whom another time. But... Purely Selfish Alert...

I have to get this off my chest. None of the people I know here is asking how I am.

It's driving me crazy, too. Just f*cking listen for a minute. I know I can be a good listener most of the time. But I need it too!!

Part of the reason it didn't work out with Disney Guy was the lack of being able to get my point across. W wasn't good at talking full stop.

But at least Mr C will listen a bit – so I think that's part of the reason I'm already missing him.

ooofff.... I'm not an uplifting person to be around these days.

After 11 years of adult single-dom, I'm now single for the longest time since the crazy work time that covered the gap between Tony and W.

I feel trapped that I can't make any plans, too. Not here, anyway. And this place is where i live, so what should I do? It's my home from home.

C said I should just enjoy the time I have left here, but my major connections are failing... he didn't say he wouldn't be around much, too. I feel like I've been duped. That's horribly childish, and I know he didn't mean it. So – quite apart from the fact that I can't be angry at him – I'm not anyway. I just shouldn't have counted on second-best either.

Bleurgh... I'll probably remove this post. It's not good for anything except self-indulgent catharsis.

Work tomorrow will make me free! hah

going home in a bit to watch something good (I hope) like Elizabeth. Or Moulin Rouge.